I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
did i walk over a car last night?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
