He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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