tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
