Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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