Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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