walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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