the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
If I die, sorry about rent.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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