I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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