She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
