My room smells like vodka and shame
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
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I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
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One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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