what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
