she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
