if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
