I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
