So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
