i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
