OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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