I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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