my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
