I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the day after is always just damage control
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
