Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
