this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
