when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
