Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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