We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm bleeding and have questions
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
