i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i was born a porn star she said
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
