I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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