that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
