well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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