You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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