I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
