Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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