So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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