she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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