you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
