um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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