yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
