apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
