Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
sarcasm needs its own font
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
