someone get that fucking seahorse.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
