Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
