she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
