I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
