well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
im about as happy as oj after his trial
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I did not marry a roomba.
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