there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
