so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
