jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
