So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
