I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
