I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
