not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
