Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize