suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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