I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
