But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize