Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
