who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
