Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
