I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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