my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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