that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
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Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
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Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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