Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
