just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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