Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
