piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
