My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just threw up on my dentist
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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