Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
