God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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